How To Create More Self Love

“You carry so much love in your heart. Give some, to yourself”

“Self love" – I have been hearing this a lot from many sources. I was actually fed up with this topic as I felt I was loving myself before, then why should I know more about it or what is there in it to actually learn about it. People say love yourself first and put yourselves on the pedestal instead of others. But I didn’t knew how to do that. I think I wasn’t loving myself as I deserve to be loved. May be I loved the idea of loving myself without truly loving myself. This continued until I truly started loving myself without seeking someone’s validation or approval. 

What is Self Love 

Self love is a life journey. It is our natural state of being. Many of us think that they love themselves like I thought. But if you love yourself you don’t be lead by people’s opinions, thoughts and feelings. 

Is Self Discipline a Form of Self Love

Many people get scared by the word discipline. But there is nothing to get scared as it should be a way of living. If you love yourself then you will try do the things which are beneficial for you in future. If you are doing something for the sake of some pleasure then it is not self love. You might be loving the pleasure instead of loving yourself. Genuine care for yourself is self love. Self love is not a freedom to enjoy your life the way you want.

“Self discipline is self love”

Here are some powerful ways to love yourself unconditionally 😊

1.Know Yourself:

We cannot love someone without knowing them right. In the same way you have to know yourself in order to love yourself. Know what makes you “You”. Understand how you want to be treated and do not accept anything less than that. Have  standards and set boundaries to teach people what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. 

2.Be Grateful:

Human wants are unlimited. If we get what we want then we want something else. And this cycle never stops. There is someone out there who is struggling to live the life you live in. We should stop complaining and live the life in the present moment. Always be grateful for little things like people, opportunities and things in your life. Every day before going to bed, maintain a gratitude journal, note down atleast 3 things for which you are grateful for the entire day. This can include something like you woke up today, meeting your friend or you’ve reached home safely. Like this, you can find millions of reasons to be grateful for. 

3.Forgive Yourself:

People harm you, hurt you, cheat on you, dump you, abuse you and bring you down to feel good about themselves or whatever the reason they might have. They just display their behaviour from their own level of thinking. Remember that someone that abuses someone else has been abused. You need to forgive people inspite of what they have done to you for your own self. People don’t care that they hurt you and they don’t want to apologize to you. Forgiving others is not a form of giving people but it is a necessity to move on in your life. You need to forgive people in order to forgive yourself. You cannot stay in the emotions like hurt, anger or anxiety which people give you. You need to focus on yourself because your happiness is your responsibility. 

4.Practice Self Awareness:

Don’t let your thoughts lead to varied emotions and feelings. Always fill your thoughts with positivity. Watch your thoughts. You cannot do this everytime like “what am I thinking, what am I thinking”. Instead you can put reminders on your phone naming “check with yourself”, multiple times during the day to recognize your negative thoughts. 

Always put I choose before any of your negative thoughts like “I choose I am not worthy”. This makes you think like do I really choose not to be worthy, is it required for me to choose it. This one tip can lead your negative thoughts to more positive ones. 

5.Focus on the Present:

Your past is gone and your future has not yet arrived. Life is in the present. Focusing on past or future will definitely kill your present. Always take responsibility of your life. You cannot blame others for your life.  People think I will be happy when I get a new job, buy a new car or something like this. No, this is not the right thing to do. We should be happy always inspite of whatever happens in our lives. 

6.Positive Self Talk: 

We always do some kind of self talk like I am not worthy or I am not good enough. To avoid this, replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Maintain a journal and make a T table to include “This is what I thought / told and this is what I should’ve thought / told”. You can refer this journal to avoid negative thoughts for any similar situations in future. 

Also use positive affirmations, you can find a bunch of videos on YouTube for this. Listening to affirmations alone doesn’t stop your negative thoughts but the phrases used in them will affect your subconscious mind and life in a very positive way.

If your thought makes you sad, it is not coming from your true self but your wounded self. 

7.Stop Self Criticism:

Stop thinking that people will love you if I do this for them, I am not worthy enough, I am not good enough, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough. Don’t judge your thoughts and feelings. It’s okay to feel the way you feel. Love yourself for being you. Self love is a life journey. We have to deal with it every now and then. Recognizing your thoughts and not engaging in or picking up negative thoughts and emotions is very important.

8.Stop Comparing:

Everyone’s life journey is different. Where you are right now in your life is perfectly alright. Don’t compare yourself with people who are highly placed in the society or even in social media. Some people scroll through their ex's social media and feel sad. No, you should never do that. If someone is doing good in their life wish them all the best and hope that you will be there soon. If someone is sad, offer your helping hand if you want to help them but do not make any comments and don’t compare them. Their misery should not make you happy. Comparing can kill self love.

9.Spending Time Alone:

You need to spend some time alone to know yourself truly, recharge your batteries and come back with more positivity. People who spend alone time does not have FOMO (Fear of missing out). You should feel okay spending time alone and also with your dear ones.

10.Be Detached: 

You are not your thoughts. You have many emotions like stress, worry, hurt, sadness anger. You cannot overcome anything in your life if you get attached to your thoughts. Attachment to thoughts creates anxiety, panic attacks, nervous attacks and many health problems in near future. 

11.Listen To Your Intuition:

You have this intuition, gut feeling or inner voice which always guides you in every stage of your life. Just listen to it, it can never be wrong. 

12.Take Care of Your Bodies:

You are not your body, you live in your body. It is very important to take good care of your body. Have nutritional diet, any form of physical exercise and move your body. It is not wrong in having tasty or junk foods once in a while but don’t over indulge in it. Avoid sugary foods. Eat something frequently which can affect your mind, body and mood in a positive way. Use bath salts, pamper yourself with skin care and hair care routines. Just Invest in yourself which will pay off later. If you take good care of yourself and keep your cup full, you will be able to offer others. 

13.Get Out of Your Comfort Zone:

Do something out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself that you have to succeed in it. I should mention I am very bad at it. 

For example, we don’t make an eye contact when we are walking and we look at people. We usually look down. Try making an eye contact while talking or wishing people. Similarly do something out of your comfort zone which you have never done before. You will really feel amazed and excited when you do this.

14.Practice Meditation:

Yes meditation, you read it right. Even I was afraid of this before. Let it be few seconds to minutes. But it is not required to keep some time aside for it daily. I just do it before sleeping for few minutes. 

Meditation is concentrating on your breath. I know it is very hard to do in the beginning but if you do it for few days you’ll get habituated to it soon.

15.Celebrate Yourself:

Take time to appreciate yourself for the small things you do. You don’t need occasions to celebrate. Treat yourself with gifts. You are valuable. 

16.Love Yourself Unconditionally:

You are not the perfect person and there is no perfect person in this world. As we are all humans, we tend to make mistakes and take the wrong path sometimes. We have our own flaws, scars and imperfections within us. It is okay to feel your feelings and accept your feelings. You have to start loving each aspect of your life and not judge yourself at all.

Self love is a choice and it is very natural state of being. You cannot start loving and accepting yourselves from this moment onwards. It takes time. You have to create ways to love yourself. Self love is the key to your physical, spiritual, emotional and mental health. 

Whatever happens in your life you have to accept it, forgive the past, take responsibility and move on. There is nothing called failure in life. The real meaning of failure is trying to move you in the right direction. When you face failure, don’t think of the past but make the next right move. Think less of your worries and pray often. 

What are the areas in your life you know that you need to focus on? Let me know in the comments below 

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